Here's the old blog from last year. How time flies etc....yawn.

Amazingly enough I have received four emails asking whether the photo of Nick taking part in a panto is genuine. I'm afraid that you will have to judge for yourself, but I can say that Neil did take part the following year in a surprisingly similar role:a

And if you're wondering what the f*ck this has to do with prog rock....don't ask. I haven't got a clue but it made me laugh so you're all stuck with it. You never know, I might have another drink and do something else to another member of the band.....who's next.....email me with your choice please...........................

Well, we creep ever closer to Christmas. We're delighted that some people have a decided to give the gift that keeps giving, or something like that (I think the term is a load of bollocks actually but never mind) and give a copy of "Make Mine A Lobster" to their loved ones. My wife will love it I'm sure and it will certainly make a change to a vacuum cleaner, but just in case she's not so sure, I've bought her a new jazz bass as well.

So, you're all eager to know what's been happening aren't you? "Oh yes we are" you say, in typical British panto mode (that might be missed on our European and American followers, sorry. It's a British tradition that we love. Nick loves it particularly and has even starred in one. This is a rare photo but I can assure you it was genuine at one point).

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So, what else has been happening? Well, Neil's badgering has paid off, it didn't quite get down to pleading or sexual favours but it was a close call and hey, there's still time....anyway, we've had some fantastic reviews this month. It's great that the Prog Rock magazines take the time out to review material and to give a really objective view of it. Because they liked us so much they have been mentioned specificially on our reviews page. Those who reviewed us but didn't like it haven't been mentioned, sorry about that, I ran out of space I think, or the server went down or something. I did try, honest. Anyway, we do firmly believe in maintaining a fair balance of views as long as they're balanced in favour of being good and helping our egos.

What else? well, we're now seeing the CD being marketed and appearing in a couple of German catalogues, that's really welcome and thanks to Just For Kicks music for their interest and support.

I guess that's about it....the Prog Bastard is signing off again......Merry Christmas if I don't get a chance to post!

 

Well what fantastic traffic we're getting from the good old internet. OVer 17000 hits this month, probably from people attempting to complain about receiving emails and unsolicited CDs but never mind.

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Actually it seems that not only has Neil's badgering worked, but looking at the traffic we're also getting hits from countries that have so far been a "badger exclusion zone". Clearly they feel that getting in quick with a web search and demonstrating that they are mildly interested will hopefully prevent the mass destruction mailshot that inevitably awaits them.

What else has been going on? Ah, yes, the pursuit of illegal download sites has been interesting. Really pleased that someone likes our CD that much that they've made it available so widely. Shame we've had to take all of the free download sites down but folks, if you find one that's still live can you drop us an email please (email to the left) and let us know.

Oh, we had a review from a French prog rock mag this week. The good thing about reviews in a foreign language is that you can keep on putting it into translator programs until it says something that you like. Thanks for that review folks and we're glad that you liked some of it!!

While on the subject of foreign translations, just to give you an example, here's what firefox says about the text that's been kindly placed on the progwerld site . Thanks folks (I think...)

"Although the editors did not know this name, after research showed that the British band for a while this prog bastards around. . The group from Essex UK released its debut album in 1990: "A Different Dimension". . In 1994, the successor being the last big event of Exhibit A, entitled "Out There".album “Make Mine A Lobster”. And after more than sixteen years is there like a phoenix from the ashes of the new album "Make Mine A Lobster".

So, this prog bastard is signing off for another few weeks....and I will rise like a phoenix from the ashes for the next installment........

Well hello people. "Another blog so soon?" you ask. Well, downloads of our release have been brisk to say the least so I thought an update would be worthwhile.

Unfortunately there seems to be a very slight downloady snag insofar as not everyoe has the opportunity to pay for it. On a serious note I'm sure that it's a minority who download illegally, but if you're one of them, and you like our material, do us a favour and buy it from Amazon or ITunes please. That way you'll get to hear more good music because we'll be able to afford to do it again. Illegal downloads really will hurt us because we don't have any record company backing us. So may God forgive you and bless you my son. Buy it from Amazon and you will be saved.

On the other hand, if you're the smug twat who placed it for download in the first place - bad karma and I hope your ipod renders you impotent through listening to ripped off music and makes your cock fall off. Or something similar anyway. Ok it's a bit extreme I know (and a bit unlikely too), so let's say I hope you trap your nob in your fly zip and due to the pain, stagger out from wherever you were when you zippped it up, leaving it hanging out, and while you're running around going "ooh ahhh oooo ooo" a passing car (or something, give me a chance I'm just making this up ok?) anyway, a passing car drives too close and lops your nob off with its wing mirror.

......Only it's not a car, it's really an alien spaceship disguised as a car and therefore your nob is now gone forever, whisked away to a far off galaxy. And all because you ripped our CD (but well done for getting the artwork right. I can't even do that half the time).

And if you're a lady, well shame on you but I'm sure you didn't mean it.

Hello again. The more observant among you will notice two things:

1. If you're visiting BEFORE 1/11/10 you'll notice that I'm cheating and actually writing the November blog early. oooh. Doesn't anyone else do that?

2. The dodgy link in last month's blog doesn't actually show our released "Make Mine a Lobster" download. It instead shows utter confusion and nothingness. Just to prove that we have released it for download, try going here instead to find it at Amazon.com or look at amazon.co.uk or play.com or itunes....the list is endless. You can even phone NEIL and he'll play it for you willingly down his phone and then tell you how good it is and ask you to review it. His number is 07643 32....haha no, you won't get it for free...but you CAN get it CHEAP at AMAZON.CO.UK for a BARGAIN £3.99.... Just go to AMAZON.CO.UK and download it there, YES just £3.99.

Ok plug over. Amazon have slightly mis-priced our jewel in the crown offering, marketing it much too cheaply. So if you want it, GO THERE where you can get it for JUST £3.99 it's a BARGAIN etc etc.

So...what's been happening then? Well, for starters, Neil has been a busy boy this month. He has distributed no less than 2000 copies of the CD to owners of record companies, podcasters, reviewers etc. Some poor sod sitting in his mums living room putting together his monthly proggy podcast is probably totally confused and sitting in a sea of CDs all with a carefully concocted note written in English telling him how good it is etc etc. The sad fact is that most of the targets are either Russian, Finnish, Norwegian, Dutch, Turkish (get in) or Indonesian. So we won't know what the hell is going on even if they do review it. Thanks however to Rogues Gallery in the US for the excellent airplay and yes, we agree that "A Far Cry" is a "real doozy" of a track too.

We did enjoy this genuine review from French radio station " 95.8FM Prog Cock Paris"

"Nous avons apprécié le " Exhibit A" "Faites à les miens un Lobster" ; avec le blaireau Neil"

>Also much amusement for Paul who agreed to send out copies of CD's while at work on the assumption it would be no more than 3 or 4. Well, I think he's sending them.

What else? ah, yes. Rehearsals for our upcoming European tour are progressing well.....more here next month.

Well, thanks for looking, if you don't have a copy of "Make Mine a Lobster" make sure you go and buy one - or alternatively advertise yourself as a podcaster and you'll get a free copy in the space of around 2 days.......

And thank you to Igor from Russia, your signed copy will be on the way shortly!

Well, you'll see that once again I've managed to update the monthly blog within a month. Hah - and that's without the incessant badgering that Neil normally provides when the clock strikes one minute past 31 days since the last blog.

 

So what's the news then? Well girls and boys, by clicking this link you can see that very soon our "Make Mine a Lobster" offering will be available on ITunes, Amazon and all sorts of other on line downloady sites that will send our super album straight to your PC, mobile phone, Iphone, Ipad, Icock or Iwhatever device. a

Don't ask me why it's in French.

It will be available in around 3 weeks. I've actually put this link up to prove to Neil that I have actually done something...

What else? Oh, the CD will continue selling for £6.50 including postage until the end of October, so if you want one then get in now before we make a radical price increase for no apparent reason.

What else? Well, Neil has done a splendid job badgering the music press to listen and review the album, I've sent it over to Phoenix FM for them to review and hopefully airplay and with any luck (and a bit of bribery) we'll have an interview at some point as well, which should be a great laugh if nothing else. On the downside Phoenix FM broadcasts across the grand county of Essex so it's hardly international coverage, but it does have a web site and a web cam so we'll try to stream it across the globe to the thousands of you who will be expectantly waiting......hahaha

What else? Well well, rehearsals are going extremely well (well) for another gig. This time we all managed to get through the set without any terrible mistakes and after a reviving cup of tea the stuff really took off......

So, until next time, au revoir and bonjour itunes dans trois weeks.

Merci vous.

Well, sales of our CD are going briskly to say the least. If you're reading this and thinking about whether to part with your cash, it's worthwhile me reminding you that we're going to following the marketing lead of numerous organisations and increase the price, having sold absolutely loads and created an incredible and unprecedented global demand.

So - £5.00 + £1.50 P&P will remain our bargain price until 30th September, when the price will revert to the original £33.50 plus £8.50 P&P.....no no no, that's not true. That was what we were talking about selling Neil for. Let's try that again...

So... (you can see I'm stretching this blog can't you?) £5.00 + £1.50 P&P will remain our bargain price until 30th September, when the price will revert to the originally discussed but never published £6.50 INCLUDING P&P.

And talking about Neil, he's now about to badger the music press in the search of a rave review. He's already been sending unsolicited emails to the various purchasers seeking their views re the performance of the US postal service.

And what else are we doing? Well, the effort now directs itself to getting this marketed on ITunes and Amazon. Watch this space.

Well would you believe that despite our best efforts to delay further, we have now officially released "Make Mine a Lobster" (should that be a small "a" there - or a big one? that discussion alone accounted for about two weeks of intense decision making).

"What's it like?" we hear you ask

"Buy it and find out for yourself" we say......

Oh, I haven't had a free paper stuck in my face for a few weeks now. Word clearly gets around.

On Monday at 5am (5am I tell you!) I was walking from Euston Square station to Euston mainline station .For those of you fortunate enough to not know London - or who have never got out of bed to be there at 5am (I suspect that Nick has never been out of BED at 5am apart from for a quick piss and then he probably didn’t realise it) – it’s a relatively short, but in the rush hour busy walk, usually with crowds of people.

But not on Monday at 5am. On Monday there was only me.

And a lone person directly in my path with a handful of papers.

As I walked past, he thrust a copy of a magazine in my face, got right under my fucking feet and then with no change in his expression he shouted at the top of his voice........

“STYLIST”

arsehole

Hello. Here is the monthly contribution. Thank you for your patience and persistence in looking in the hope that some of this will make some sense.

Tired of badgering people on Facebook and being threatened with all sorts of interesting responses (how we laughed), Neil has this month turned his attention to badgering large record companies, threatening to threaten them and studying law part time to defend himself.

We are also considering cheap marketing ploys involving lobsters..

Here is a brief summary of Neil's press release. He is of course sickeningly fired up with hope and enthusiasm as usual.

"We progress tirelessly towards achieving our goal  – I have badgered today for the album artwork, and to celebrate that badgering,  tomorrow we will badger some sherpas in our aim to further publicise "Make Mine a Lobster" (c exhibit A lending buying, looking prohibited by law etc piss off don't do it) by scaling the north face of the Eiger as a publicity stunt using only Tesco frozen shrimps as rope and part boiled crustaceans instead of sled dogs."

Enough of that.

That was a f*****g goal you blind fool. England are out of the world cup.

God. Twatty horse whippers.

I'm protesting by not watching any more world cup football after the final.

Hello again

Well, we creep ever closer to release. All the tracks are now virtually done (hahhahahaha more like virtual) although some small glitches have caused a slight delay. The trouble with perfecting things is that other little problems come into focus and cause some further time to be spent fixing them. If only Paul had used his new droom kite in the first place......

What I will say is that it's sounding absolutely fantastic now and we're all almost excited about it.

So - while we get the artwork printed we'll be enjoying the opportunity to rattle up more enthusiasm and have imposed what some might consider is an inevitable delay to our release. Did the web site originally say 30th June? ooooh, sorry. Meant to say 30th JULY, how did that happen, what a complete screw up etc etc.

Terribly sorry to everyone who was aiming to stand out waiting for the postman on the 1st July or queuing overnight in the faint hope that it would appear on sale at HMV Llakeside - it's just not going to happen I'm afraid. But we will let you know via this blog and we will most definitely promise etc hand on heart and all that stuff that it will be available before the end of July (this year).

Thanks to all of the people who have pre ordered, you will get a little free something as a reward for being so patient............

Well, doesn't time fly? eh? eh? "Yawn, another couple of weeks of inactivity" you say. Well actually, no. It's another THREE weeks actually. So.......what's been happening in the whirlwind world of Exhibit A then.......read on......

The appearance of a new drom kite appears to have caused some slight tension but the less said about that the better.

Hello.

So, what's been going on in the whirlwind world of Exhibit A this week then? Well boys and girls, I can report that Paul has got himself a new drum kit. Part of me says "hooray" etc. But on the downside it does ruin a very long line of gags on this web site at his expense. Cheap ones as well.

Chief badgerer Foss has been quiet this week....no, hang on, I got a bunch of emails about Facebook. We've now got hundred(s) of friends all queuing up for the imminent release of our CD. Visit the Exhibit A Facebook page and see for yourself if you don't believe me. No, go on. And while you're there join yourself. If you're a friend you might be needed to help Paul lug his huge new kit into whatever venue we choose for our comeback gig.

Oh - also realised that Absolute Radio have launched "One Last Dream". Thankfully we're not eligible - I think one of the band has to be missing or something or someone has to be dredged up from a crappy humdrum life somewhere or be bored crapless or not be playing music, be half dead, have their arm hanging off, be in Australia or doing some worthwhile work in a third world country or something, and then they're catapulted into the Isle of Wight festival (of all places - how would we get Paul's kit over there?)......oh, wait a minute...that does sound like us a bit (well, not the arm hanging off or the half dead, or the charity stuff. Or Australia come to that).

What else? Well, I've had a virus so my engine rebuild on my VW camper is temporarily suspended. Unfortunately I also trapped my right forefinger in the crankshaft (oooer) when I was reassembling it, making it difficult for me to re-record one of the bass tracks. Hope it improves before the weekend.

And I visited the secret nuclear bunker in Brentwood as well last weekend. It's about as interesting as ermm....ermmmmm...well, it would be interesting if you pictured total global thermonuclear war, and the prospect of living in a crappy civil service style residence for the rest of your life.

Until next time folks.